The Boss That Ruined My Life

(For a Few Months)

Linkedin Post with Comments

OK, so just like last time (see “My Story” and it’s Linkedin Post for Suicide Prevention Month this past Sept), I debated with myself quite a bit before writing and posting this, but kept coming back to the same thing I did last time: “If it helps even just one person…”

I got a Timehop (photo memories app) today of some screenshots I took of the nastiest email I have ever received. I’ll get to how and why I came to receive such an email in a bit, and even some of what it said, but first some context. I’ve had about 10 jobs since graduating from vet school just 5 years ago, and have been asked the same question by a few different people:

“So what’s the biggest thing you’ve learned from all of these experiences?”

Phew. What a question. I could go in so many different directions with this. “Be wary of startups,” “Focus on implementation and support over sales,” “Sometimes the least sexy thing to work on is actually the most important,” etc. etc… but honestly, and I hate to say this, but… 

The biggest thing I’ve learned is that there are bad people out there. 

Now obviously I realize how naive that sounds. But in all seriousness, I went into each and every one of these 10 jobs wearing my rose-colored glasses, super excited and hopeful that they were gonna be my perfect fit, and that my new boss(es) were gonna truly look out for me- just like they said they would. And this was true for most of them! But not all…

The biggest thing I’ve learned is that at the end of the day business is business and often people are going to only look out for themselves and their bottom line, even at the cost of those around them. Again, trust me, I realize how naive this sounds. “You had to learn this??” Maybe it was my relatively easy upbringing surrounded by people that loved and supported me. No really, I talk to my therapist about this - I think the fact that I didn’t really face much adversity (my mom and I still joke about my struggle to answer a certain college essay prompt) growing up contributed to how naive I was when I finally entered the real world and things started to go wrong for me. And really wrong…

OK I’ll skip some bits here (see “My Story” for more context), but essentially I was a vet that couldn’t be a vet anymore due to mental health. So I was trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do with the rest of my life; how I was going to help put food on the table for my family. I found a great job working remotely, but that didn’t work out, and then I couldn’t get a similar one due to a non-compete. After several months of 1st, 2nd, and even 3rd round interviews that went nowhere, I finally found what seemed like the perfect fit… except it required that my wife and I move across the country. 

Now I know moving always sucks, but this was particularly difficult and painful for us since our entire immediate family (my parents, my brother & his 2 kids, my wife’s parents, her 2 sisters & their 5 kids) all lived within 20 minutes of each other and are all very close. Needless to say, it was a VERY difficult decision, but one that we felt we had to make given the opportunity I was being given. We tried our best to do our due diligence about the job before moving and were cautiously optimistic that things would work out as promised, but BOY WERE WE WRONG. 

Again, I’ll skip some of the details here, but towards the end of the experience I did send an email to my boss about some money I was owed for work I did that was not compensated. This (edited a bit) was their response…

Important context here - I sat in this person’s office more than once, in tears, explaining why I did not want to practice anymore - the horrible anxiety, depression & illness (vomiting) it caused me, and EXACTLY what my skill set and experience were in IT…

“Mark,

At the risk of being abrupt or hurtful Mark - I believe it is all on you. We / ▬ have performed as we agreed, we paid… for veterinary services and IT services that you would not or could not provide… I feel that it is not me or ▬ that has let you down - on the contrary you have let us down… I made a mistake - it was my mistake to offer you a job without knowing what you could or would not do.

In addition, you have a huge asset that you fail to use - your veterinary degree, and a huge debt that you refuse to repay - your parents' devotion to your career. My suggestion of course is for you to return to New Jersey as soon as possible and go back to work for your parents and spare them the cost of a relief vet and the anguish of an unappreciative son… You constantly assert that you have IT, programming, software management, or practice management knowledge when you do not. If you persist in the pursuit of the IT, training or management career then you should go back to school to learn these vocations before you get a job doing them…

Finally, your meddling in the personal and professional activities of our staff is not appropriate or appreciated. Your actions have upset ▬, ▬, the new doctors and many others who have heard the incorrect characterizations and suppositions that you have spread. I would appreciate it if you would mind your own business and stop the meddling in ▬ issues that you know little or nothing about.”

I immediately resigned (this was my last straw), to which they responded by threatening to sue me. I’m not going to respond to all of the blatant lies and false accusations above here (feel free to DM me for more tea), but a couple of things about the “meddling in personal and professional activities of our staff”:

That first black box -  I reached out to her. She told me she was never upset with me, but rather was also having significant issues with our boss. She also left the business a few months after I did. 

The second black box - here was her text after I reached out after this email. She also no longer works there:

“Selfishly I'm happy cause I feel like I'm a better person for having you in my life. Also feel like I see them more clearly. Not that I need an example or reminder but like FUCK did they do you dirty. That's eye opening for people. And they shouldn't be sheep. If you weren't such a valuable team member and people didn't bond with you this wouldn't be so impactful.”

Those “new doctors” - they also left a few months after me, and then called to ask about my experience since they were also being threatened with lawsuits. I linked them with a friend of mine that was able to help.

So yeah, the biggest thing I’ve learned is that some people suck. OK, gonna end it here to keep it to 2 pages. As always, please feel free to reach out if you think I can help you in any way, or even just to chat!